I wrote this as long ago as 26 February 2011. Mr Mokoena has his birthday this week on the 25th July; turns 33, so in his honour I am updating this TIB.

Lehlohonolo Mokoena! I have had the awesome privilege of knowing this man for many years now; nearly 20 years. My first contact with him was some time in 2005 when he was working for me as part of a volunteer team at our local church. We were having t-shirts made for service at a conference and I was collecting the money for these from the team members. Before the Sunday morning service I walked up to him chatting in a bunch of typically energetic young people. Gently interrupting them I asked if he had his money for me (text message warnings had been sent out earlier that week). I’m still not sure how he actually meant his response, but I’m sure he wasn’t being rude, perhaps only slightly arrogant just to cover up any typical teenage insecurities. “Speak to my financial manager,” he said pointing towards his mother.

Now I need to introduce his mother: a wonderfully larger than life lady of the Tswana people originally from the Mahikeng area of South Africa. She too had recently started working for me on the volunteer team and had proved to be a bright light in my life. Very soon I began to address her as “Ma” as well for she always had wisdom and encouragement whenever needed (which was often in that environment). A strange thing it was this white boy calling her “Ma”. Even stranger when her son started calling me “dad”!

Not having a son of my own and in fact, essentially childless at that time, there was a “space” in my life. I only realised this the other day (in 2011) when trying to explain to someone how I came to be working as a “youth coach” at a high school. At the time I was quite oblivious of the empty space and was in fact quite happy doing what I was doing as a volunteer leader in the church and was a little intimidated by and didn’t really like the teenage crowd. Without any desire on my part, God caused this young man to draw himself into my life and even drag some of his friends with him. After a few years I had regular young company attending conferences in other cities and always had help around me at church. After another few seasons this young man turned 18 and asked that I speak the father’s blessing over him on his birthday. I was amazed and humbled. I had a son!

In retrospect, as clear as it always is, that “space” was quite painful and only God really knew that. For that reason He connected me with a young man who needed a father and had a “space” all of his own. Then eventually out of that connection grew my passion for young people and ultimately to put myself in a position to be a father to the fatherless (at least for a substantial period of my life, as it turned out). When I think of how much I have learnt from my association with Mr Mokoena I wonder that a man can be whole and successful without a son (now, I do not mean it is a prerequisite; I just wonder at the possibilities). Just I as wonder how a man can be successful and whole without a wife. We read in the book of Proverbs that “a man who finds a wife finds a good thing in the eyes of the Lord”. Well, I would add that having a son, of any form or source, even if its not of your own loins, IS a good thing in God’s eyes.

So, I am grateful to Mr Mokoena for his endurance in remaining connected to me in this way, and my desire is that we may continue this truly weird, yet amazing relationship, for the rest of our lives!

23 July 2024