I wrote this nearly 12 years ago now, on the 30th October 2010. This was 3 months after moving to the Karoo and starting restoration of the cottage I had bought for my stay there. As I edit it this morning, I feel I need to add a post script to this by way of qualifying my challenges with this illusive virtue. Enjoy this quick read, and I pray that we might all find the balance we need in our lives...

How many times haven’t we heard this? In fact its such an over-used cliché that its almost embarrassing to use it. But that’s just it – it has been over-used and misused and now just ignored when not bandied around to impress the neighbours about exactly how well we have it all together, and over-work and burn-out is not something that will ever creep in here... no way!

Well, I have been on extended leave, or rather self-imposed unemployment, for four months now, and if ever there was anybody who should have attained balance, it would be me. I have paid dearly for the lack of balance in my life. Lost heavily because of pouring myself obsessively into projects and here I am, quietly going about my unemployment busying myself slightly with the restoration of a country cottage. And BAM! I’ve lost my balance and I’m working long hours on the roof, forgetting to relax and simply spending too much on this darned house. Too much time and too much money and once again I’ve become obsessive. How do I keep this balance? This illusive thing that everyone else seems so skilled at?

I spend a few minutes almost every day catching up on social media (a symptom of being relatively isolated in the Karoo). I have a good friend in church ministry and he’s one of those I catch up with. About five months ago we had coffee and a third friend was with. My pastor buddy shared how his responsibilities will be changing and he will be spending a lot more time attending other churches as part of a national development program. This was really exciting and he was obviously seriously pumped up for the new challenge. True to form he had analysed the whole business carefully and assured us that he would taking plenty of time off during the week to spend with his wife and kids to make up for the weekends he would miss. Yes, we agreed, it wouldn’t help much to take a day off while they are all at work and school because that would serve no value – they would still have missed the time with him. Over coffee we settled his strategy as taking a few afternoons off as required to spend some proper time with the family.

Well, my buddy is having difficulty keeping to this strategy as I have discovered by following his activities. In my opinion too many of his off-days are taken when its convenient for the church office and not advantageous to his family. Now I stress that this is my opinion and I make this observation only to illustrate my point: how easily we slip into a status of imbalance even when our intentions and plans are the most noble. And it happens to the best of us – my friend is certainly one of the best of us!

For myself, I noticed my state of imbalance because of my criticisms directed at my friend and I have corrected it. For now. How long it will last though, time can only tell. Unattended, I guess I will last about three to four months before I slip again into obsessing over something. The spirit is so definitely willing and the flesh oh so weak! Maybe I’m just overly sensitive to imbalance because of the price I have had to pay in the past. I just know that I can’t afford the price of another lesson so I’m starting to obsess about balance. Finding balance! Keeping balance! Balance! Balance!

PS: So, 12 years on in my life and I confess: balance is almost impossible to sustain! Why? As old as I am and as well-experienced as I am in its pursuit, I still have no idea of the psychology that goes towards this conclusion. I can admit to a total loss of balance in 2015, again by 2018, and again with the global pandemic in 2020 and early 2021. Sometimes it creeps up slowly (like by mid-2015 when my life imploded slightly), sometimes it's a result of obsessive overwork and related stress, sometimes it's a sudden event (either through outside factors or personal tragedy). As as scientist, I believe the force we work against is ENTROPY. Without going into the physics involved, and simply put, most systems where a state of equilibrium exists, will tend to decay, or change (often to a state of perceived disorder), unless energy is spent on their maintenance. This is natural and we can not avoid it!

My current conclusion, subject to at least the next 10 year's worth of experience, is that our lives will be a constant cycle of: work towards balance - achieve a semblance of balance - begin to lose balance - become aware of this loss of balance - repeat cycle. The point is - don't give up! You have not come this far to only come this far. If you have it, you will lose it, If you're working towards it, you will find it, and then lose it again. So keep at it!

25 October 2022